In a Word: Secrets

by obalint


Canberra has secrets. I’d tell you what they are…but then I’d have to kill you. And I really don’t want to do that. Killing people is uncool. And it’s a hassle. Then you have to get The Wolf involved, and you don’t want to have to do that unless it’s absolutely necessary. Samuel L and Mr Travolta know all about that little dill-infused pickle.

Okay. You twisted my yellow-bellied, weak-willed arm. Come hither and I’ll tell you a few, and I won’t even kill you. Bonus!


Canberra secret number 1: the most beautiful (and cheapest) show you can see in the capital is the sunset and Brindabella orchestra, sitting from the regal post of Lake Burley Griffin. Bell Shakespeare is pretty good too, when he’s in town. But sunset is far more regular, fewer crowds and like I said, cheap.


Canberra secret number 2: the best place to boogie, apart from the home territory d-floor, is, in no particular order of merit: Monkey Bar, No Lights No Lycra, Knightsbridge, The Chop Shop (before it got chopped), Galaxy, Cube, Treehouse and Mooseheads. NB ensure you’re in a pack of at least four if you choose the Mooseheads adventure path.


Canberra secret number 3: It is possible to get a substantial portion of your fruit from suburban and reserve foliage. Figs, apples, cherries (including native types), lemons, grapes, plums, apricots and even pomegranates abound! Totes or-gah-nic.

Ok, that’s it. Three’s a charm.

Just wait one cotton picking, pomegranate collecting second. They’ve cottoned on. Who knew that natural surrounds, minimal traffic, clean fresh air, solar filled skies (some sources, not just Wikipedia, claim that the ACT has more sunny days per year than QLD), exceptional national institutions, excellent dining, a groovy arts scene, a badass uni or two and snow, surf and Sydney a small adventure away would be a sweet, sweet living situation?

It’s no secret that we’ve got it pretty good here in ye olde Canberra. Die-hard Territorians are very territorial about it. (“Go on, git outta here. We don’t want no plebs!”) I may even get shanked for harping on about how good it is. Good idea on the Editor’s part to have a nom de plume. Take that ASIO!

As with all secrets, it was bound to be uncovered by the masses at one point or another. Canberra is the new quinoa. Pesky New York Times journalists getting all up in our little antipodean utopia! Gotta watch those writers. They certainly do their fair share of spying on the world.

A secret’s only a secret until a spy spills the pomegranates!

Gotta watch those ASIO types too. So secretive. So kooky.